I have a hater and this is what he taught me

This is quite possibly the strangest thing to have happened to me.

See I am usually a nice person. Not necessarily very nice–I am human, I have my bad days, and sometimes I know I am not really a nice person even when I am not having a bad day (no one’s perfect). But usually, I am polite. Maybe a little too quiet (because I am introverted) which people sometimes mistake for snobbishness, but really it’s only because I am shy and awkward.

But most days–I am nice. And in the past three years, I cannot recall a single moment when I have been anything but nice to the person this post is about: my hater.

This guy, let’s call him D, has been in the same team with me for a year and a half now for every course (we have six months in a semester and 5 courses so that makes it…what…15 courses that we’ve teamed up for together?) so obviously we spend a significant amount of time in each other’s company and have to interact with each other a lot. This was never a problem with me, because I always liked him–I didn’t know him well enough before we began to team up for courses together, but we are really close to the same people (who are also members of our team); but yeah, I thought he was a nice guy. And we got along fine too–at least during the first year we did–even though I never really shared much with him because I didn’t really know how to talk to him easily. Understand that it’s not easy for me to open up to people because I am not very social IRL.

But some time around May this year D started being weirdly distant with me. At first I did not think much about it because we were never super close in the first place, and even though I found it odd, I told myself it was probably because we did not have a lot in common.

And then, as of a couple months ago, he started actively ignoring me. Since we are in the same team together, it makes things very awkward.

Obviously by then I knew he hated me, but I couldn’t figure out why. So last week, when I was going to invite all my team members, I asked one of the members–the one I trusted the most–why D hated me. I figured maybe I had done something wrong unintentionally, or maybe there has been a very bad misunderstanding.

Turns out, for reasons that are still yet unknown (either my trusted friend won’t tell me because D is his friend too or because he really does not know), D has always hated me. My other team members didn’t think it was necessary to tell me, since it did not concern them and also because we were in the same team and we used to get along fine. I don’t blame them. And I am not upset with D either. I just find the whole thing funny, and I am a little relieved that–assuming my trusted friend told me the truth, and I am really hoping he did (damn do I have trust issues now)–I did nothing wrong to incur his hatred here, at the very least I didn’t do anything intentionally. Whatever issues D might have with me, it’s good to know that it isn’t because there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

But it also does suck a little to have a hater for no valid reason at all, but I am trying to look at the bright side here, so here’s what the whole thing taught me:

  • Never, ever, stop doing good. This goes both for being a good human being and for doing good (that is, being dedicated and responsible about your work, polishing your skills so you always have something of value to contribute). One of the reasons why D still hasn’t been able to kick me out of the team yet is because I work responsibly and because I haven’t done anything so wrong yet that he can get rid off me. (I am hoping I don’t jinx myself here now though. I guess I know what my resolutions are gonna be next year)
  • Hold on tightly to those who you trust. These people are probably gonna be very rare.
  • Don’t trust too many people and don’t trust people too much. Again, these people are probably gonna be very rare.
  • Use their hate as motivation to do what you are good at, because nothing will piss off a hater more than to have to need your help. This sounds a bit petty, but I find it very funny that D has to tolerate me despite how much he hates me because I work for the team. That must suck for him.
  • Laugh it off and continue being your super sweet self. Not to them if they are avoiding you like you have STD, but if they interact with you be your best self. It only makes you a better person.

I think the only thing that bothers me in all of this is how unpredictable people can be. Maybe I never really noticed how he really felt about me because I am very inept at reading people (though there is a reason why he and I were never close–there was always something about him that rubbed me the wrong way). Either way, it’s a little sad that no matter how well you think you know someone, you are probably gonna be wrong.

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5 comments

  1. I’m really sorry this is happening – it must be a really stressful situation.

    You’ve had minimal interaction with this guy – it is 100% nothing to do with you. People can be weird and unkind for all sorts of different reasons, the vast majority of which are all about THEM and nothing whatsoever to do with you – even though you’re the one suffering as a result. I think like you’ve said, keep yourself closed off to this guy. Try and let go of the feeling of hurt and enjoy the rest of the people in your team as much as you can. If he wants to keep acting like a baby that’s his business – he’s the one making himself look ridiculous.

    The question of who to trust and who not to trust is such a hard one. I’m naturally a pretty closed off person IRL – I don’t have a ton of close friends and I don’t find getting to know new people/letting new people into my life very easy. I don’t think this is a particularly good or fun way to be. Try not to let this experience affect how you see everybody. This is one weird guy – most people, I like to hope, don’t have bad intentions. Don’t let this one guy change how you see everybody โค

    I think you're fab! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww Lydia your comment makes me cry T_T (in a good way lol). You are completely right, as always. People can be unkind for no reason. I won’t lie–I spent months wondering if I did anything wrong because we were taught as children that if you are good to people, they will be good to you. Adulthood, it seems, does not agree. Which, to be frank, sucks.

      I will definitely take your advice and try not to let this make me even more closed off than I already am. I can’t help that I have trust issues now, but I still strongly believe that most people are innately good. Thank you so much for your positivity! You rock โค

      Like

  2. That’s too bad he hates you without a clear reason. And it sucks he’s in the same team. Must be awkward when you want to invite everyone somewhere. Do you skip inviting him?
    I also remember having one person who really disliked me in my friend group. But with me, I was also bullied and hated by half the class because god knows why, so it was really easy for my hater to say bad things about me to my friends. In the end, all my friends abandoned me in my last school year. I hope nothing of the sort happens to you, but even if it does – just know that life goes on. It’s been like ten years since I graduated now, and I don’t even remember why they stopped talking to me. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t think I would have kept the school friends anyway. Most people don’t, when life circumstances change.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so, so sorry that happened to you. You are such a sweet nugget–I can’t imagine why anyone would do that to you, but I can guess. People can be unreasonably cruel sometimes.

      It does get very awkward but so far my friends seem to be loyal to me. I guess? I don’t want to jinx it, and honestly I think I have trust issues now because I cannot 100% say that they won’t starting hating on me too with him.

      As for inviting him–that’s a complete no. He acts like I don’t exist, so I act like he doesn’t exist either. The difference is that when he invites the group–he specifically mentions everybody’s names EXCEPT mine. I don’t do that. I just either use the handy @everyone tag or I say “guys let’s hang out on _____” I think it’s normal to not like someone, but that’s no reason to be rude.

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      • Agreed! Definitely a conundrum about how to act around a person like that. As for my story… I don’t know, it was like ten years ago or more, you know? It could be that at that time I was annoying to my friends or something like that. You can never really know.. I did have a penchant for drama back then, haha. But of course it was unfortunate. No fun being introverted for sure… sometimes.

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