This is quite possibly the strangest thing to have happened to me.
See I am usually a nice person. Not necessarily very nice–I am human, I have my bad days, and sometimes I know I am not really a nice person even when I am not having a bad day (no one’s perfect). But usually, I am polite. Maybe a little too quiet (because I am introverted) which people sometimes mistake for snobbishness, but really it’s only because I am shy and awkward.
But most days–I am nice. And in the past three years, I cannot recall a single moment when I have been anything but nice to the person this post is about: my hater.
This guy, let’s call him D, has been in the same team with me for a year and a half now for every course (we have six months in a semester and 5 courses so that makes it…what…15 courses that we’ve teamed up for together?) so obviously we spend a significant amount of time in each other’s company and have to interact with each other a lot. This was never a problem with me, because I always liked him–I didn’t know him well enough before we began to team up for courses together, but we are really close to the same people (who are also members of our team); but yeah, I thought he was a nice guy. And we got along fine too–at least during the first year we did–even though I never really shared much with him because I didn’t really know how to talk to him easily. Understand that it’s not easy for me to open up to people because I am not very social IRL.
But some time around May this year D started being weirdly distant with me. At first I did not think much about it because we were never super close in the first place, and even though I found it odd, I told myself it was probably because we did not have a lot in common.
And then, as of a couple months ago, he started actively ignoring me. Since we are in the same team together, it makes things very awkward.
Obviously by then I knew he hated me, but I couldn’t figure out why. So last week, when I was going to invite all my team members, I asked one of the members–the one I trusted the most–why D hated me. I figured maybe I had done something wrong unintentionally, or maybe there has been a very bad misunderstanding.
Turns out, for reasons that are still yet unknown (either my trusted friend won’t tell me because D is his friend too or because he really does not know), D has always hated me. My other team members didn’t think it was necessary to tell me, since it did not concern them and also because we were in the same team and we used to get along fine. I don’t blame them. And I am not upset with D either. I just find the whole thing funny, and I am a little relieved that–assuming my trusted friend told me the truth, and I am really hoping he did (damn do I have trust issues now)–I did nothing wrong to incur his hatred here, at the very least I didn’t do anything intentionally. Whatever issues D might have with me, it’s good to know that it isn’t because there is something fundamentally wrong with me.
But it also does suck a little to have a hater for no valid reason at all, but I am trying to look at the bright side here, so here’s what the whole thing taught me:
- Never, ever, stop doing good. This goes both for being a good human being and for doing good (that is, being dedicated and responsible about your work, polishing your skills so you always have something of value to contribute). One of the reasons why D still hasn’t been able to kick me out of the team yet is because I work responsibly and because I haven’t done anything so wrong yet that he can get rid off me. (I am hoping I don’t jinx myself here now though. I guess I know what my resolutions are gonna be next year)
- Hold on tightly to those who you trust. These people are probably gonna be very rare.
- Don’t trust too many people and don’t trust people too much. Again, these people are probably gonna be very rare.
- Use their hate as motivation to do what you are good at, because nothing will piss off a hater more than to have to need your help. This sounds a bit petty, but I find it very funny that D has to tolerate me despite how much he hates me because I work for the team. That must suck for him.
- Laugh it off and continue being your super sweet self. Not to them if they are avoiding you like you have STD, but if they interact with you be your best self. It only makes you a better person.
I think the only thing that bothers me in all of this is how unpredictable people can be. Maybe I never really noticed how he really felt about me because I am very inept at reading people (though there is a reason why he and I were never close–there was always something about him that rubbed me the wrong way). Either way, it’s a little sad that no matter how well you think you know someone, you are probably gonna be wrong.